OH NOEZ! A PARODY OF YOUR TYPICAL TOTAL DRAMA FIC
by I'll Cover Angel and Collins
Summary: How many times can you predict what's going to happen in a fic? Well this parody is here to state the obvious things that typically happen in a total drama fic! Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

A/N: I got bored and decided to make fun of stuff, if you read most of my fics I'm about the humor, well at least I find myself amusing and that's what matters to me so read and review or not! Please don't get offended by anything I type. =P

This story starts out with the most popular love triangle ever! We are at Playa Des loser or whatever you want to call it as people misspell it all the time! Duncan was making out with Gwen and Courtney at the same time, Switching back and forth from the two girls, this is considered cheating because even though they can clearly see each other they fail to realize Duncan is making out with the other!

"I love you" Duncan broke away from the kiss with Courtney "You're the only girl for me!"

Duncan then turned over to Gwen who had sunglasses on and headphones in so she was unaware of this obvious affair! They then started making out but Courtney didn't notice because she was reading a magazine! Did I mention they were sitting on folding beach chairs and Duncan was in the middle? Yeah, he was.

Somewhere in the pool sat Bridgette and Geoff who were as always making out as most people make them glued to each other, which ironically their lips were glued together now for 3 days thanks to Izzy replacing Bridgette's lip gloss with superglue, however nobody because they always make out and nobody cared to help them.

Cody was off being confused if he wanted to date Noah or Sierra and he also still loved Gwen, He felt the need to tell her that Duncan was playing her, but if he did that he wouldn't be able to watch Noah read his book sexily which is apparently a word, He wanted Noah but he also loved the way Sierra showed him attention….he secretly enjoyed his stalker best friend.

Alejandro was holding hands with Heather behind a bush, because they had a secret love/hate relationship and they wanted to keep it that way! Alejandro was currently romancing Heather in a language she couldn't understand, Seriously she couldn't because it turns out Alejandro wasn't making any sense because he hardly knew Spanish and was using an APP from his iphone to help him, not realizing that things that are translated from English to Spanish don't always make sense!

"What?" Heather asked "I don't get it…..Just speak English!"

"Chica, Heather! Spanish! Uno!" Alejandro told her in Spanish

"Give it up!" Heather told him "I don't even speak Spanish, this is a turnoff"

"Fine!" Alejandro sighed "I know my sentences in Spanish make no sense but you can translate them to paper! But even then it may seem screwed up! I love you!"

"I hate you!" Heather yelled "I love money!"

"Then buy my love, Chica!" Alejandro sighed

"Only after I buy us both an English to Spanish Dictionary and Vice Versa!" Heather yelled

"Yes, Chica yes!" Alejandro agreed "Only if you agree to….Marry me?"

**CLIFFHANGER….**

**OH SHIT! **

**WHAT'S EVERYONE ELSE DOING? **

**WILL THEY GET MARRIED? **

**WILL GWEN AND COURTNEY EVER REALIZE THE OBVIOUS?**

**WHAT OTHER STEREOTYPE AND OBVIOUS THINGS THAT HAPPEN IN ALMOST EVERY FIC HAPPEN NEXT?**

**FIND OUT IF AND WHEN I UPDATE! **

**DUN DUN DUN! **


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing! I'm just typing this cause I'm bored. =p

When we last left off a lot of shit was happening! Heather was about to answer the question of if she would marry Alejandro which the answer was quite obvious…

"No, I cannot marry you" Heather pulled her hand away "I don't know if I love you or I hate you!"

"But I did all this for you!" Alejandro told her "I played them all for you! For us!"

"No you didn't" Heather told him "You did it because you think you're hot….I watched the tapes!"

"Oh…." Was all Alejandro could say "You watched the show? I didn't know you watched it"

"Well I did" Heather rolled her eyes "You are a manwhore and I love you and hate you! I won't marry you but I'll meet you in the bathroom in 10 minutes!"

Heather then stormed off kicking Alejandro in the balls on the way out, Alejandro was depressed for like 2 seconds but then he saw Izzy who didn't have a boyfriend and he quickly went to seek her out because all the other girls he was flirting with were off being romanced by other men.

* * *

><p>Cody was freaking out now, he couldn't see Noah anymore and if he couldn't see Noah he was afraid that someone like Katie or Izzy would want him! He was always so worried about Noah because Noah was an asshole and you would think that would draw them all away but they all wanted that smartass bookworm! However Cody was busy with his own problems now! He was pretending to hate the current situation he was in even though he secretly liked it.<p>

"Sierra! Stop it!" Cody told her as they were backed up in the corner of a random wall "Don't unbutton my pants….."

"Uh…I wasn't unbuttoning your pants" Sierra told him "I was just trying to make out with you"

"Oh…." Cody stared blankly "I'm sorry"

"It's okay!" Sierra told him "You goofed, you can just call do over on that line!"

"Okay, that was embarrassing" Cody confessed and tried again "Sierra! Stop trying to make out with me! I don't want this to lead to molestation or a threesome with Noah or something like that!11"

"What?" Sierra asked confused "Okay, you're lucky you're cute! Maybe you shouldn't talk at all and we should just take this to a more private place…..like the only bathroom in this place!"

Sierra pulled Cody down some random hallway and stuff and started talking about their marriage they would one day have because like in most fics Sierra is an obsessive Cody freak and plus Cody was really messing up on his talking…..was he always this much of a fail? Sierra decided it didn't matter because she already had a shrine dedicated to him and it was far too late to switch her people obsession.

They reached the bathroom door only to discover it was locked

"Damn it!" Cody yelled "I guess I'm not getting laid….."

"What did you say?" Sierra asked

"I said laying on the floor would be unsanitary?" Cody lied "I don't wanna make out in the bathroom! Yeah…."

"HELLO!" Sierra yelled "Person using the only bathroom here, could you please hurry up?"

"Help me…." Cody effortlessly said "I don't want to lose my virginity for the 7th time this week…"

"GO AWAY!" Chris yelled "I'm in the middle of something!"

"Don't you have your own bathroom?" Sierra asked

"Yeah" Chris told her "But this is more convenient for now!"

"Huh?" Sierra asked "Cody and I would like to use the bathroom….."

"**TOUGH SHIT!" Chef screamed "CHRIS AND I ARE HAVING SEX IN HERE! BECAUSE WERE GAY LOVERS! SO GO AWAY!" **

"At least someone's getting laid….." Cody mumbled "I wonder what Alejandro's doing later….Maybe we could go in the elevator….."

Sierra decided to argue with the gay lovers who were obviously meant to be, because it was obviously obvious! Sierra left go of her grip on Cody who just stood there thinking about his plans for tonight.

"I wonder if Noah would want to do something…" Cody asked himself "Maybe I could pretend to not be able to read so he'll read me a bedtime story and we could cuddle and sip tea together…."

Cody then realized how sidetracked he was, and realized this is the part where he runs away while he's distracted, it wouldn't matter anyway because Duncan stole all his condoms anyway which speaking of Duncan who we obviously can't leave out of this chapter….

Duncan was now making out with Courtney and holding one of Gwen's hands at the same time, Gwen was messing around with her ipod and still had sunglasses on so she didn't notice he was making out with Courtney and Courtney was way too busy making out with Duncan to realize he was with Gwen also!

"Hey look at that!" Duncan grabbed Courtney's magazine "It's an article on Justin Beiber a useless celebrity who is more famous then you or I will ever be! Why not read about him?"

"Great idea!" Courtney agreed

"Here why don't you borrow my sunglasses?" Duncan offered randomly pulling a pair of sunglasses off his head that weren't there before but are now continently there.

"Thanks!" Courtney took them and happily read her magazine.

Duncan figured she would be there awhile reading her magazine and with those sunglasses on she would never catch him cheating on her! He used this opportunity to go take a walk with Gwen who didn't see Courtney because she was reading a magazine and wearing sunglasses, the ultimate disguise!

As soon as Duncan and Gwen walked away, Courtney assumed Duncan was sleeping because he stopped talking so without even looking in his direction she continued to read her magazine.

"Hey Beautiful" Trent walked up to her "I see your alone"

"No, my boyfriend is here" Courtney pointed to the empty chair

"I wrote you a song" Trent romantically told her "It's about how you should be with me and I should be with you, actually I wrote it for Justin when I thought I was attracted to him….Then I changed the lyrics from he to she when I thought this song was meant for Lashawna and then I added food references to it when I was briefly in love with Chef and then I added Gwen's name to it but accidentally went to the wrong window and now Owen thinks I'm in love with him so I spun around 9 times and ended up looking at you so I guess this song is for you"

"THAT IS TOTALLY ROMANTIC!" Courtney sighed lovingly "I never had someone write a song for so many people and then reuse it on me!"

"Saving the best for last" Trent winked at her as he played his horrible song.

Then they made out but Trent was wearing sunglasses and a blonde wig pretending to be Lindsay so he could just say he was applying lip gloss to her lips if anyone asked and nobody was know of this affair

**BANG **

Suddenly gunshots were heard and everyone freaked the hell out!

"OMG!" Harold screamed "ZEKE IS DEAD! WHY IS HE ALWAYS THE FIRST TO DIE!11"

GASP everyone said

"OH MY GOD ONE OF US MUST BE A KILLER!" Heather yelled randomly from wherever she was.

**OMG WHAT THE HELL WILL HAPPEN NEXT! I DON'T KNOW YET…..SOMETHING OBVIOUS THOUGH LOL **


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing…

A/N: It's pouring here! So while I take a break from writing my other stories you'll get this! Yes, I multitask my stories, I have 3 word document pages open! I win lol =p

Chris came running to the screaming where everyone was, his pants were down to his ankles from his gay fun time with Chef of course because it was a secret and he was the host and everyone was a freak around there anyway nobody questioned this.

"OMG WHAT HAPPENED!" Chris shouted loudly pulling his pants up

"Zeke is dead" Harold told him "We think someone killed him"

"It must be one of us!" Cody told him

"What makes you think he was murdered?" Chris asked as he stared at the knife in Zeke's chest "I wonder if I pull this out of him if I could be king…..like that sword in the stone guy…."

"If you can't then I call dibs on trying next!" Duncan stood behind Chris, followed by Harold and Geoff who was now magically unglued from Bridgette's lips

"Wait a second" Noah spoke in a suspicious tone that sounded like something only the killer would know "I thought Zeke was killed by a gunshot….."

"Yeah, he definitely was" Sierra agreed also acting suspiciously suspicious.

"It's Zeke, He's always the first one out anyway" Heather rolled her eyes "The freak is like a cockroach anyway, I'm sure he'll magically come back to life anyway"

"Good point" Chris agreed "Either way it's Zeke so I don't care who killed him! Just either wait for him to get up and walk it off or stay dead or whatever…..Just….ya know….Walk over the body and try not to trip on it! I don't want anyone falling into the pool!"

Everyone agreed that was a good idea and when nobody was looking Noah who was the smartest one there threw the gun that he shot Zeke with into the bushes, Noah was the only one who could ever pull this off, Although Noah was smart he had horrible aim at firing a gun and ended up shooting Zeke in the leg, sadly not enough to kill him so he stole a knife that Chef planned on cutting the turkey with at dinner which if any of them could pull it out of Zeke he was sure Chef would use it anyway, Why did he kill Zeke? Because he sneezed on his book and if he got back up Noah would just find another way to kill him because Noah is always the one who plots to kill everyone.

* * *

><p>Everyone carried on with their normal day after that, I don't even need to tell you what they were doing because I'm sure you can all picture it, so just picture them all by the pool doing whatever the hell random stuff you want them to do! They had managed to pull that knife out of Zeke and so Chef was no cutting the food with it obviously without washing it and even though it's really unsanitary I'm sure they'll all eat it anyway. So with that shit being said Lindsay ran out of the bathroom screaming loudly<p>

"GUYS GUY GUYSSSSS!" Lindsay screamed "I HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO TELL YOU!"

Because this is what they always did when someone had an announcement they all managed to form a large group that everyone was annoyed to be in so they all mumbled and looked annoyed and some like Trent who was still dressed as Lindsay with sunglasses to distract from his cheating ways all gathered around to see what the real Lindsay had to say.

"What the hell do you want?" Chef asked "Can't you see were all busy?"

"But guys! It's like really important!" Lindsay told them

"It better be" Noah sighed "You distracted me from reading….."

"You distracted me from petting baby rabbits!" DJ told her "But I still wanna know!"

"You distracted me from watching Cody….." Sierra glared "THIS BETTER BE BLOG WORTHY!"

"Uno El palso?" Alejandro asked

"OH SHUT UP!" Heather yelled "THAT'S NOT EVEN SPANISH!"

"Okay! So I was in the bathroom right?" Lindsay told them "Then I found out I was pregnant! I took like 7 tests!"

Lindsay ran over and hugged Sierra and kissed her on the lips

"CONGRATS TYLER!" Lindsay stupidly kissed Sierra "WE'LL BE GREAT PARENTS!"

"I'm not Tyler…." Sierra frowned pushing her away and in front of Tyler "That's Tyler, The one who wears the ugly red jumpsuit thingy….."

"I'm not the father….." Tyler blushed

"Yes, you are!" Lindsay cried "You told me you loved me every time!"

"I do love you, but I'm not the father" Tyler mumbled and put his head down

"OWN UP TO IT BOY!" Lashawna yelled

"Yeah!" Gwen told him "You got her pregnant and now you have to pay the price!"

"I'm a virgin…." Tyler's face turned as red as his jumpsuit

All the guys laughed at him and he ran away and cried and hid in his room until I decide he'll randomly show up later when he feels ready to accept this.

"So who Is the baby daddy?" Lashawna asked and everyone looked at Lindsay

"Duh! It's Tyler!" Lindsay told them

"Uh…No?" Courtney told her "Tyler just ran away because he's a virgin…."

"Oh I know!" Bridgette got an idea "Since we all formed together and everyone is here, Why don't you point to Tyler?"

"Yeah, Okay!" Lindsay agreed "Lemme see…..Smart Tyler!" Lindsay pointed to Noah

The group stared at him angrily because they were in a group and it seemed like the right thing to do!

"_It better not be mine or I'll have to kill someone again" _Noah thought

"_It better not be Noah's or I'll have to kill Lindsay….." _Cody thought

"_It better not be Noah's or I'll have to kill Lindsay and then myself to cover it up!" _Izzy thought

"_I hope its Noah's! Then Cody will be all mine!" _Sierra happily thought

"_I wonder why Trent is wearing a blonde wig…" _Owen thought

"So, Noah's the father?" Gwen asked "Ur…I mean Smart Tyler?"

"I dunno" Lindsay frowned "He looks different then last time"

"Girl, what do you mean last time?" Lashawna asked

"Well he was all smart that one time" Lindsay told them "But he doesn't look anything like Hot Tyler….."

Instantly everyone glared at Alejandro and Heather smacked him

"WHY IS EVERYONE LOOKING AT HIM!" Cody complained "I'M HOT TOO!"

Everyone ignored Cody and glared at Alejandro

"What?" Alejandro told Heather "I'm obviously not the father! She doesn't even know names! She thinks everyone is Tyler!"

"No, I definitely remember the night on the plane with Hot Tyler!" Lindsay giggled

"_If Alejandro's the father I'm going to kill someone" _Heather thought glaring at the man she love/hated

"_If Alejandro's the father I'm going to be so jealous of the hot baby they'll have! Why isn't Duncan that tan?" _Courtney thought

"_If she's showing for the next season she's out…." _Chris thought

"_If Alejandro's the father it gives me a good reason to kill someone!" _Noah thought

"What else was Tyler like when you slept with him?" Bridgette asked

"There was nerdy Tyler that covered me in chocolate" Lindsay said pointing to Cody who got glared from Noah and Sierra

"_Cody in chocolate? What a tramp! Cody better not be the father!" _ Sierra thought

"_I think someone is going to die today, Maybe Harold?" Noah thought _

"_Oh god! She remembers that night! Noah and Sierra are staring at me! What if Noah kills me? What if Sierra kills me?...Why is Trent dressed like that? Is Gwen that stupid to not realize Duncan is playing her?"_

"_I remember this one time some guy took my mom's plant like right from my living room! I was all Dude! I don't even know you!….." Duncan thought and then laughed _

"Something funny?" Courtney asked "Anything you would like to say?"

"I remember this one time some guy took my mom's plant like right from my living room! I was all Dude! I don't even know you!….." Duncan then told them all and nobody laughed at all.

"But I also remember sleeping with really old Tyler….." Lindsay told them "Ya know? 40 something year old Tyler?"

Everyone looked at Chris

"She's lying!" Chris told them "I don't sleep with contestants!"

Multiple girls blushed and put their heads down hoping Chris didn't bring THAT up, Chef hit Chris with a frying pan, Chris fell to the ground an chef stormed off.

"_That's it! I'm killing someone!" _Noah thought and sighed and walked away.

"_I wonder if Noah would be willing to meet me in my room tonight…" _Owen thought _"Trent is looking pretty good too!"_

"_I hope Chris doesn't bring up last Tuesday…." _Courtney thought

"_Oh god! If Chris brings up last Friday I'm screwed!" _Gwen thought

"_I wonder if Chris would be mad if he found out about Chef and me in the kitchen last night….." _Trent thought

"_I wonder why nobody laughed at my story that was upsetting!" _Duncan thought and sulked walking away

"_I thought Duncan's story was pretty funny" _Bridgette smirked

"Well I guess we'll do a DNA test in 9 months" Heather sighed and the whole group walked away leaving Lindsay standing there confused

"Wait! That ugly guy in the red is Tyler?" Lindsay asked and everyone ignored her.

**I HOPE I MADE SOMEONE ACTUALLY LAUGH OUT LOUD! **

**DUN DUN DUN WHO IS THE FATHER? **


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to something we ALL have done at least once in our writing days! It doesn't matter if you deleted it or not, at least 70% of you have done this, Myself included! Let's see if you can figure it out! I'll let you know what it is at the end of the chapter!

Everyone decided to leave Lindsay standing around clueless and continue to do whatever they were doing which was the same shit they always do and you know they do what they do! So yeah…..it was still a pretty normal day!

Cody looked around to see that Sierra was busy! She was blogging so Cody decided this would be an awesome time to confess his love to Noah. Noah was reading his book because that's what he was doing 90% of his life.

"Uh…Noah?" Cody walked up to him

"What is it Cody?" Noah glared at him "I was reading, this better be important"

"It is" Cody told him "It can't wait any longer!"

"Then say it" Noah stood up and closed his book tapping his foot

"Uh….Well….I can't….I don't….Uh….Come with me!" Cody grabbed Noah and pulled him to a giant jukebox (I don't know if you know what that is but google it! It's a music player from the 60's and 70's) and this thing was huge with huge speakers!

"Do you have a quarter?" Cody asked Noah

"Uh….Sure?" Noah reached into his pocket and handed Cody a quarter as Cody looked through the song selections.

**I'm through with standing in line****  
><strong>**to the clubs I'll never get in****  
><strong>**It's like the bottom of the ninth****  
><strong>**and I'm never gonna win****  
><strong>**This life hasn't turned out****  
><strong>**quite the way I want it to be**

**(tell me what you want)**

**I want a brand new house****  
><strong>**on an episode of Cribs****  
><strong>**And a bathroom I can play baseball in****  
><strong>**And a king size tub big enough****  
><strong>**for ten plus me**

**(yeah, so what you need)**

**I'll need a, a credit card that's got no limit****  
><strong>**And a big black jet with a bedroom in it****  
><strong>**Gonna join the mile high club****  
><strong>**At thirty-seven thousand feet**

**(Been there done that)**

**I want a new tour bus full of old guitars****  
><strong>**My own star on Hollywood Boulevard****  
><strong>**Somewhere between Cher and****  
><strong>**James Dean is fine for me**

**(So how you gonna do it?)**

**I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame****  
><strong>**I'd even cut my hair and change my name****  
><strong>

"Huh?" Noah looked at Cody "I don't understand what you mean…"

"Oh, I'm sorry! Wrong song!" Cody blushed "Completely wrong song for what I was trying to say…..Do you have another quarter?"

"Urg! I guess!" Noah dug through his pockets "Here"

Cody then searched through the songs again….GOD WHY WAS IT SO HARD TO FIND A SONG TO SAY I LOVE YOU TO NOAH? WHY WAS IT SOOOO HARD TO TELL HIM HE WANTED TO HAVE SEX? He knew there was a song for this….there HAD to be! Cody found a new song and pressed the button to start it.

**7am, waking up in the morning****  
><strong>**Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs****  
><strong>**Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal****  
><strong>**Seein' everything, the time is goin'****  
><strong>**Tickin' on and on, everybody's rushin'****  
><strong>**Gotta get down to the bus stop****  
><strong>**Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends (My friends)**

**Kickin' in the front seat****  
><strong>**Sittin' in the back seat****  
><strong>**Gotta make my mind up****  
><strong>**Which seat can I take?**

**It's Friday, Friday****  
><strong>**Gotta get down on Friday****  
><strong>**Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend****  
><strong>**Friday, Friday****  
><strong>**Gettin' down on Friday****  
><strong>**Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend**

**Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)****  
><strong>**Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)****  
><strong>**Fun, fun, fun, fun****  
><strong>**Lookin' forward to the weekend****  
><strong>

"YEAH PARTY!" Geoff started to sing and dance along with the song, he tripped over Zeke's still dead body and fell into the pool.

"WHAT DID I TELL YOU?" Chris yelled "I SAID NOT TO TRIP OVER DEAD PEOPLE!"

Noah sarcastically looked at Cody as the song ended "What the hell was that?"

"Uh….Wrong song?" Cody put his head down

"Did you invite me over here to see what bad taste In music you have?" Noah rolled his eyes "I'm not giving you another quarter….."

"SOMEONE GIMMIE A QUARTER!" Cody yelled and Chef through one at him

"Let's try to get it right this time" Noah rolled his eyes as Cody scrolled through songs to play for Noah

**We haven't met and that's okay****  
><strong>**'Cause you will be asking for me one day****  
><strong>**Don't want to wait in line****  
><strong>**The moment is mine believe me**

**Don't close your eyes****  
><strong>**'Cause it's a chance worth takin'****  
><strong>**And I think that I can shake you**

**I know where I stand, I know who I am****  
><strong>**I would never run away when life gets bad****  
><strong>**It's everything I see, every part of me****  
><strong>**Gonna get what I deserve****  
><strong>**I got nerve****  
><strong>**(I got, I got, I got)**

**Electrified I'm on a wire****  
><strong>**Getting together and we're on fire****  
><strong>**What I said you heard****  
><strong>**Now I got you spinning**

**Don't close your mind****  
><strong>**The words I use are open****  
><strong>**And I think that I can show you**

**I know where I stand, I know who I am****  
><strong>**I would never run away when life gets bad****  
><strong>**It's everything I see, every part of me****  
><strong>**I know I can change the world, yeah yeah yeah**

**I know what you're like, I know what you think****  
><strong>**Not afraid to stare you down until you blink****  
><strong>**It's everything I see, every part of me****  
><strong>**Gonna get what I deserve, I got nerve**

**You, you need to discover****  
><strong>**Who can make you feel free****  
><strong>**And I, I need to uncover****  
><strong>**The part of you that's reaching out for me, hey!**

**I know where I stand, I know who I am****  
><strong>**I would never run away when life gets bad****  
><strong>**It's everything I see, every part of me****  
><strong>**I know I can change the world, yeah yeah yeah**

**I know what you're like, I know what you think****  
><strong>**Not afraid to stare you down until you blink****  
><strong>**It's everything I see, every part of me****  
><strong>**Gonna get what I deserve, I got nerve, I got nerve**

**I know what you're like, I know what you think****  
><strong>**Not afraid to stare you down until you blink****  
><strong>**It's everything I see, every part of me****  
><strong>**Gonna get what I deserve, I got, I got nerve!****  
><strong>

"Cody, I don't get it" Noah rolled his eyes

"I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU!" Cody yelled "DON'T YOU GET IT!"

"No, because you keep playing songs that have nothing to do with the current situation" Noah rolled his eyes

"So I take it I took a bad approach?" Cody sighed

"You need to work on picking better songs" Noah patted him on the back "No sex for you tonight"

"HEYYYY NOAHHH!" Izzy came strolling over "Wanna have sex?"

"Sure" Noah said walking away "See Cody? All you had to do was ask….These songs were….Pointless…."

Cody walked away sighing, Noah held hands with Izzy and went to find a bathroom stall to do her in.

**Get it? Pointless song fics! **

**WIN! **


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I own nothing! I'm just typing this as I go along!

Owen was bored and hungry but mostly hungry! Everyone's drama made him all sorts of nervous! He decided he would go talk to his friends who were all doing pointless crap! He found his good buddy Noah digging a hole behind a bush somewhere.

"Noah!" Owen yelled running over to him "What are you doing, buddy?"

"I'm digging a hole" Noah told him

"I thought you were always reading books though….." Owen said out loud

"Well today I'm digging a hole" Noah rolled his eyes

"Are you looking for treasure?" Owen stupidly asked while eating a corndog

"No" Noah told him "I'm digging a shallow grave to put someone in"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOUR SOOOO FUNNY NOAH! THAT'S WHAT I LOVE ABOUT YOU!" Owen laughed

"Shut up!" Noah bitched slapped him "I don't want people to see me digging!"

"Okay Noah…." Owen sobbed "Are you gay?"

"WHO TOLD YOU THAT?" Noah asked "I mean…Uh…No…"

"I was just wondering….." Owen told him

"Well I'm not" Noah glared at him "Now since you're here, would you help me toss Blainley's body into the hole?"

"YOU KILLED BLAINLEY?" Owen shouted

"Yes" Noah told him "I robbed her and killed her because she ripped a page out of my book"

"I'LL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU NOAH!" Owen happily agreed and tossed Blainley's body in the hole "WILL YOU HAVE SEX WITH ME?"

"Oh for god's sake….." Noah sighed

**BANG **

**BANG**

**BANG **

"What the hell?" Noah put his hands on his hips "That was MY kill"

"I couldn't take it anymore" Sierra walked out from a nearby tree and rolled her eyes "He just wouldn't shut up"

"Now look at what you did!" Noah shouted "Owen's dead!"

"So what?" Sierra asked

"So what? Now I have to dig TWO holes!" Noah complained "What a waste of bullets! It took you three shots?"

"I got carried away" Sierra giggled "I'm just a tad crazy"

"I'm psychotic" Noah told her "I'm crazier than you!"

"I'm crazy for Cody" Sierra told him "I'd kill for him"

"I'd kill for Cody too" Noah told her "I'd kill you if Cody would be with me"

"I'd kill you right now for Cody" Sierra told him

"I already have a loaded guy" Noah laughed "Cody's mine"

"My gun is ready too" Sierra pointed her gun at Noah

"Then it's settled then?" Noah asked raising his gun to Sierra's face

"You bet" Sierra said directing her gun in Noah's face

**BANG**

* * *

><p>Trent was still dressed like Lindsay, He was on a mission to make out with Courtney right in front of Duncan whenever he got a chance and he felt the only way to do this was to dress up like Lindsay, But since Duncan was currently making out with Courtney that meant Trent was bored, he decided he would go into the girls room and brush his cheap blonde wig out, That's when he realized how stupid he really looked, He just looked like Trent in a blonde wig and nobody could be that stupid, Right?<p>

The door to the room shut behind him and he heard footsteps, He turned around and looked only to see Chris.

"Oh hey Chr-"

Trent's sentence was cut off by Chris shoving his tongue in his mouth, passionately kissing him. After what felt like 2 long hours to Trent he finally broke the kiss.

"Lindsay, I'm so sorry that you got pregnant" Chris told Trent placing his hand on Trent's stomach "I promise you that I WON'T support this kid, in fact this is all on you!"

"What?" Trent asked

"Yeah" Chris continued "Maybe you could go on that show 16 and pregnant or something"

Chris then kissed Trent again and walked out of the room

"What the hell just happened?" Trent asked himself "Did I just lose my baby daddy? OH NO HE DIDN'T!"

Trent then thought about what he just said

"Did I just say Chris was my baby daddy?" Trent asked himself "Remember Trent! You are a man who cannot get pregnant! You are only doing this to get with one of Duncan's girlfriends!"

**That's it for now! Let me know what you think! Send me requests of what you want to see and I'll try to add them in.**


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I own nothing at all.

Cody was not being stalked or stalking someone at this particular moment! He realized that this was unacceptable and decided he would stalk Gwen for the first time yet in the story before Sierra came back. Gwen was sitting in a bikini with an umbrella because she was goth and hated the sun obviously.

"Hey Gwennnnnnnnnn!" Cody squeezed himself under the umbrella next to Gwen "What's up?"

"_Don't say anything stupid!" Cody thought to himself _

"They ran out of cheese fondue over at the snack table" Cody told her

"_Dammit that was dumb!" Cody thought to himself _

"I'm sorry about the lack of fondue" Gwen told him although it was apparent she did not care.

"Yeah…." Cody awkwardly answered "Why are you dating Duncan?"

"Excuse me?" Gwen asked

"I was just wondering what you see in him" Cody told her "It's obvious he's been cheating on you"

"Uh…No! He would never do that to me" Gwen told Cody

"Yeah, he would" Cody assured her "Turn around, seriously! I can see him making out with Courtney!"

It turns out that Duncan was in fact making out with Courtney over by Zeke's dead body located next to the grill! Geoff was grilling food on the grill and noticed Cody looking in the direction he was in, he waved and then swatted a few flies away from him with the spatula! God these dead Zeke flies were annoying!

"I'm not turning around, Cody" Gwen crossed her arms "I don't understand why you have to be so jealous of Duncan to lie about him!"

"Whatever" Cody got up and walked away "Stupid bitch…."

If Gwen was too stupid to realize what was going on, Cody decided he wouldn't care about her! Nope! He would just go back to stalking her from the trees!

* * *

><p>Heather was having a conversation with Bridgette, Well she was trying too!<p>

"So yeah" Bridgette told her "I bought these awesome new shoes!"

"I love them!" Heather told her "They are sooo cute! I wish tha-"

"NEW SHOES?" Alejandro jumped in the conversation "I JUST BOUGHT THESE NEW SHOES AND-"

"Go away" Heather crossed her arms

"But Heather!" Alejandro complained "Mi Amour! El Uno!"

"You can't woo me in Spanish!" Heather sighed "I don't even think part of that was Spanish"

"Oh Heather!" Alejandro laughed "I know you love me! You can't deny it!"

"I would trade you for a million dollars" Heather told him

"Aye! But my love is always free!" Alejandro smirked at Heather "El Paso…..Si"

"You are soo annoying!" Heather stormed off

Alejandro just looked at Bridgette

"So…Uh..New shoes?" Bridgette asked

"Uh…Si?" Alejandro asked her "I'll be right back…..HEATHER WAIT UP! I WILL HAVE YOU IN MY BED ONE WAY OR ANOTHER EL ROMANCIO! UNO! SI TACO!"

"What the hell just happened?" Bridgette asked herself

* * *

><p>Back in the semi isolated woods like area with the equally insane Noah and Sierra!<p>

"O..M…G…" Sierra screamed "DJ I AM SOOOO SORRY!"

Yep, in the psycho battle between Noah and Sierra over Cody…Obviously! They managed to shoot DJ in the leg!

"Are you okay?" Noah asked looking at him "I'm smart so I'll naturally be able to fix this!"

"Why are you out here in the woods anyway?" Sierra asked

"I was picking flowers and petting this bunny" DJ told them

"Well I guess I know what I have to do….." Noah loaded his gun

"WHAT?" DJ cried "My momma always says that you should be nice and that's not nice!"

"Well you saw too much" Noah told him

"I didn't see anything" DJ closed his eyes and covered his ears "LALALALALALALALALAALA! I DON'T SEE DEAD BODIES OR TWO INSANE PEOPLE WITH GUNS IN THE WOODS AND I DEFINITELY DIDN'T HEAR NOAH ADMIT THAT HE WAS GAY!"

"I guess he can live….." Noah sighed

"Really?" DJ happily asked "I DON'T CARE WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT YOU! YOU'RE NICE!"

"I'm not nice" Noah glared "You just got lucky! I ran out of bullets!"

"So now what?" Sierra asked

"You go find Chef" Noah told DJ "Have him get the bullet out! Don't tell him anything!"

DJ crawled away from the two crazies crying all the way to find Chef, Noah simply walked away and went to read a book acting like nothing just happened. Sierra went to go make out with Cody or stalk him while he was stalking Gwen.

* * *

><p>Tyler finally got the courage to talk to his friends about the fact that he was still a virgin! He decided to go and talk to his good buddy Duncan who he hardly ever actually spoke with!<p>

"So yeah, I can't believe I never had sex" Tyler admitted "But that can be a good thing!"

"Did you know that one time I went to this party and I jumped on a trampoline?" Duncan told him "I was naked and my junk was flying all over the place!"

"Screw this!" Tyler threw his arms in the air "Nobody ever listens to me or remembers my name! I'm going back to my room!"

Tyler then stormed off to his cabin while Duncan continued talking to whoever would listen. On the way to the cabin, he saw the real Lindsay who waved at him.

"Hi, Harold!" Lindsay waved.

Tyler just sobbed even more.

**Did you guys like it? Lemme know! **


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

Trent was sick of this shit! Stealing someone's identity was hard! He just wanted to be Trent! But he also wanted to steal Duncan's girlfriend! I mean why should everything revolve around Duncan? Were people on this show really that stupid that they couldn't tell Trent was just wearing a blonde wig? Trent wasn't sure if he should continue to pose as Lindsay or not because as said before he hated Duncan even though they hardly knew each other!

Trent was going to take off the wig when he happened to bump into Duncan who he hated but had to pretend he liked.

"Hey Lindsay!" Duncan walked over to Trent and hugged him

"Hey Douc—Duncan!" Trent quickly caught himself "Like…What's up?"

"I missed you" Duncan kissed Trent "Lindsay, I'm sorry I haven't been around and I know I've been a terrible person but if that baby is mine, I want to be with you"

"_What the hell is this shit?" Trent thought "Maybe I don't want to be Lindsay! How could this douche be dating Lindsay,Courtney and Gwen? Are they all really this stupid? How many baby daddies do I have? Urg….did I just once again say MY baby?" _

"I don't want you in my life" Trent told Duncan throwing his voice higher "I don't think it will be good for the baby…"

"Lindsay, how could you say that?" Duncan asked "How could you forget that night in first class?"

"Uh….What's your name again?" Trent asked as Lindsay "Donald?...Uh….I just don't think you are the guy for me! Tyler is the one I love"

"How come Tyler is a virgin then?" Duncan asked "Listen, I want to be there for this baby! I love you! I just don't want everyone to know about our relationship!"

"_You mean the three relationships you actually have?" Trent thought "Is he like a sex god or something? I should be getting the girls too! Girls love musician's just as much as bad boys!" _

"I have to go now" Trent said as Lindsay as he walked away from Duncan hoping that he left Duncan heartbroken! The real Lindsay may be an idiot but Trent wasn't going to let Duncan take advantage of fake Lindsay! He and his nonexistent baby didn't need that stress.

* * *

><p>Sierra managed to find Cody and was now yelling at him for stalking Gwen and for not showing her the love she deserved.<p>

"Look you know I'll follow Gwen like a lost puppy anywhere I can….." Cody told her

"Why Gwen?" Sierra asked "Why not me? Is the sex not good enough?"

"No, its great….." Cody told her "It's just your not Gwen…..Who I loved since season 1"

"Is that all your about Cody?" Sierra asked "Just the sex? Am I nothing to you?"

"Well you are my stalker…" Cody told her "Which means you are a willing sex partner….."

"Would it help if I did my hair like Gwen?" Sierra hopefully asked

"Uh…No" Cody told her

"I can be Gwen!" Sierra told Cody and grabbed him by his shirt "I'm going to kill her!...Oh wait….The plot….Gwen is a requirement for this story…..DJ is already wounded….."

"Wait what?" Cody asked confused "Are you saying you're actually more nuts then people write you out to be?"

"Uh…I….Uh…..I have to go" Sierra insanely laughed as she kissed Cody

"That's it!" Cody looked around scared "I'm going to go hide out with Tyler….."

* * *

><p>Trent was sitting down by the pool still wearing his blonde wig, Heather and Alejandro were sunbathing and they seemed to be doing well as long as Alejandro didn't speak Spanish…..or at all. Trent being the cool guy with a blonde wig that he was going to write a song about HIS FEELINGS GASP!<p>

_Sittin by the pool because I know I'm cool  
>Learning lots of stuff I didn't know!<br>People on this show have lots of problems!  
>I can't believe I was friends with these weirdo's!<br>Where do I begin, Oh! Where Do I beginnnnnnnn!  
><em>

_Let's start off with the fact that Zeke died  
>everyone hates him so nobody cried<br>Then Geoff grilled chicken, but I didn't eat it cause it wasn't deep fried!  
>But that's not even the half of it! Lindsay got Pregnant and Tyler is a Virgin!<br>DJ got shot but tell who did it he will not! Let's not forget that Noah reads a lot! _

_All this happened today! Everyone should really stay inside with a killer on the loose!  
>I have no doubt that it's one of us! I also really hate Duncan and want him to get hit with a bus!<br>If he did I wouldn't even make a fuss! I'd sing a happy song! Then I could have Gwen back!  
>But I may love Courtney even more!<br>Lindsay is a whore and I don't know who my baby daddy even is! _

_Now I'm watching Heather and Al  
>They are looking at me like I'm really weird!<br>Maybe I should throw them off and grow a beard!  
>I think I ruined a romantic afternoon!<br>I brought some pudding to eat but I forgot the spoon!  
><em>

"OH MY GOD!" Heather finally yelled "Shut the hell up, Trent!"

"Si! You're annoying!" Alejandro agreed "Oh and what's up with the wig?"

"Didn't you listen to the song?" Trent asked

"Yes, we did" Heather told him

"It was poorly written" Alejandro agreed "You shouldn't write! Half of that didn't even rhyme! Do you always write your own bad lyrics?"

"Every time someone writes a fic about him, I'm afraid we all pay the price!" Heather told Alejandro "Although most of the time he either writes a song for Gwen so the rest of us don't have to hear it"

"If that's the case then why is he here?" Alejandro asked "Sorry, I never actually met him so I don't know what he's like"

"He usually just shows up to write songs about Gwen and Courtney" Heather told him "That's his main purpose in the fandom"

"YOU BROKE THE 4TH WALL!" Trent gasped

"He's right…." Alejandro agreed

"What did I do?" Heather asked not realizing her mistake

"You spoke of the fandom" Trent told her "You can never speak of the fandom!"

"Were not supposed to know were in these stories!" Alejandro told her

"What's the big deal?" Heather asked "People directly speak to us in stories all the time! In fact I've done disclaimers for quite a few….."

Trent sighed

"Look, you just can't do that" Trent sighed "I have to go now…..Someone needs me in a Duncan/Geoff/Trent threesome…"

"I thought he would never leave" Heather told Alejandro "I'm ready to have sex with you now!"

Alejandro stared at her and shook his head no.

"I can't" Alejandro told her

"What? Why not?" Heather "You've been trying to get with me since the first chapter!"

"I could never sleep with someone who doesn't follow the rules of fanfiction" Alejandro told her "Everyone knows were never supposed to acknowledge the fact were in a fanfiction!"

Alejandro stormed off leaving Heather alone, Heather's face turned bright red with anger!

"CAN SOMEONE GET ME A COPY OF THE FANFICTION RULEBOOK OR IS IT A CRIME TO ASK FOR THAT TOO?" Heather yelled

Noah popped up out of nowhere.

"Did someone say book?" Noah asked "As everyone knows I always have books! I just happen to have a copy of that book….."

Noah then threw the book at Heather and walked away to either read a book or kill someone. _  
><em>


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except Duncan's mom's potted plant! **

Cody was hiding out with Tyler in the guys cabin, Shit was starting to get crazy around here and he just didn't know what to do.

"I appreciate you listening to me" Tyler told him

"I wish I had me some Noco!" Cody sighed "I love Noco!"

"Okay!" Tyler agreed "I can help you with that!"

"Really?" Cody asked "That would be great! I've been trying to make some Noco for awhile now!"

Tyler walked out of the cabin and Cody waited for him to come back which he did a few minutes later! He handed a cup to Cody

"Be careful" Tyler told him "It's hot!"

"What the hell is this?" Cody asked disappointed as hell

"Cocoa" Tyler told him "You said you want Cocoa!"

"I didn't want Cocoa!" Cody told him "I wanted NoCo!"

"NoCo?" Tyler asked "Is that like the fat free kind?"

"Tyler" Cody looked at him "No wonder you never had sex"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Tyler asked as Cody walked out of the room shaking his head.

* * *

><p>Trent was alone and still wearing a wig, He was so confused at everything that was going on! He decided he would go sit in the woods in his favorite spot! It always inspired him because it was the perfect writing spot for a crappy writer!<p>

Trent was sitting there when Noah came up to him from behind and wrapped his arms around Trent's waist.

"I've been looking for you, Lindsay" Noah told him "I didn't know you would be here"

"How the heck did you find me?" Trent in a wig who shall now be called Trentsey asked.

"I followed you" Noah whispered in Trentsey's ear "It wasn't hard"

"Oh…." Trentsey simply said

"I wanted to talk to you" Noah whispered in his ear

"I'm afraid to know why" Trentsey let out a small laugh

"It's about the baby" Noah told him "If it's mine, I want to be there for you"

"Oh well that's nice of you" Trent faked a smile

"If it's not mine however" Noah told him "I'm going to kill whoever is the father"

"That's a bit drastic, don't you think?" Trentsey asked

"Drastic?" Noah laughed "I don't think so! You know I'll do it too…."

Noah then kissed Trent and walked away like nothing even happened leaving Trent in the woods alone.

"I hope it's not Noah's" Trent shuttered at the thought of that "I don't think he'll be good for my baby!"

"_Wow…I need to stop thinking I'm having a baby!" Trent thought "I could just take off the wig! Miley Cyrus did and she stopped being Hannah Montana! Such a crappy show! I would never let my baby watch it….I need to think about what's best for this baby! Do you think Lindsay would let ME be the father? I would be the perfect choice! Maybe I can tell her I'm the baby's father!...No….That wouldn't work!_

**DUN DUN DUN! **


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING! **

So, when we last left off a lot of shit happened! But this has yet to happen so I think were about due…..Cody was peeping on Gwen and Duncan having sex from a Tree! They were really bad at this in fact he couldn't even make out what the hell they were saying! They were too busy having sex in horrible misspelled chat speak that was written in script format! It was so bad a 5 year old could have done better.

Duncan: I take my penI$ & come inslide u!

Gwen: moan moan moan! Oh gasp Duncan! Harder Harder!

Duncan: I pin you up against a wall even though we are nowhere near one.

Gwen: Moan Moan! Faster Duncan!

Duncan: I start to thrust & stuff

Gwen: Duncan u r soooo hot

Duncan: U make my cook hard!

Suddenly Heather stormed in and glared at the two of them! She was carrying the stupid book that Noah gave her last chapter!

"Do you mind?" Duncan finally spoke properly "Were in the middle of something"

"Yes, I do mind!" Heather glared at them "You're speaking in script format!"

"So?" Gwen asked

"So you can have awful sex in script format but I can't break the fourth wall?" Heather asked "What you're doing is way worse! At least I was speaking properly!"

Suddenly Noah randomly showed up.

"Heather….." Noah sighed "Did you not learn anything?"

"I read the damn book!" Heather told him "It's them! They're talking in bad script format!"

"Do you know what bad script format is?" Noah asked Heather "It is part of the fandom…..Which we are not supposed to speak of"

Heather stood there silently just looking at Noah and glaring at him.

"Since when are you the fandom police?" Heather asked them

"I'm not trying to be" Noah told her "I left them have their bad scripted sex scene"

"So what am I supposed to do?" Heather asked

"Ignore them" Noah told her "I'm going to take my book back now and leave! If I have to come back to talk to you I swear to god I'm going to kill you"

Noah grabbed his book and walked away.

Heather stood there with a WTF look on her face.

Gwen and Duncan continued to have badly scripted misspelled sex.

Cody watched the whole thing from a tree.

* * *

><p>Trent was super annoyed and creeped out right now! He hated being Lindsay and he hated all his so called friends even more!<p>

"_All I have to do is make it to the bathroom and take this stupid wig off….." _Trent thought to himself

"Lindsayyyyyy!" Harold ran up to Trentsey

"Yes?" Trentsey asked

"I've been meaning to talk to you" Harold blew his nose in his sleeve

"About?" Trentsey asked just wanting to take the wig off

"The baby" Harold told her "Did you know that it's like the baby is eating you from the inside when it grows inside you"

"_WTF IS WRONG WITH HIM!" Trent Thought _

He just smiled at Harold.

"So, When you tell everyone that the baby is mine" Harold took a deep breath "Can we call it Claudio?"

"_OH GOD…WHY? WTF HAROLD WTF?" Trent thought _

"Uh…Yeah….I guess so" Trentsey told him "If it's yours….."

"I have no doubt that it's mine" Harold proudly told her "My sperm count is high! I have 8 Brothers and Sisters and my Brother is only 3 years old then me and he has 4 kids already with 4 different girls"

"Condoms!" Trentsey yelled at him "CONDOMS! C-O-N-D-O-M-S!"

"Remember I told you last time?" Harold asked "I told you I was allergic to Latex and you said it was okay!"

"Did I?" Trentsey asked

"Obviously" Harold proudly smiled "Access to club Harold at least 5 times!"

"I think I have morning sickness" Trentsey told him "I'm going to use the bathroom"

"_So I can throw up from just being near you!" Trent rushed off to the bathroom running past Harold "What a gross guy! It better not be his!" _


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I own nothing! **

Sierra was mad that Cody still had a thing for Gwen! How the hell could he stand there and watch Gwen and Duncan have sex like that from a tree? What worried her more was that Cody was Gwen's stalker just as much as she was Cody's! Sierra stormed off to the woods to scream about how pissed off she was and how she was going to take this out on someone…

"HEY!" Zeke came running through the woods "I'M ALIVE! YEAAAAHHHHH! I THINK I'M IMMORTAL OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT! HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN GONE?"

"Uh…About a week?" Sierra suggested

"Nobody noticed?" Zeke asked

"We noticed….." Sierra told him "We just didn't care to be honest….."

"Oh…." Zeke told her "WELL I'MMA TELL CHRIS I'M BACK!"

"You mean you didn't tell anyone yet?" Sierra asked

"Nope" Zeke told her "I just stood up and ran happily into the woods"

"That's fantastic!" Sierra squeed "Okay, I need you to stand right there…."

Sierra then picked up a large rock and beat Zeke in the head with it 40+ times until he was no longer breathing! This was the second time he had died so far so Sierra was sure that he would recover from it sooner or later. After she beat the shit out of him with a rock she wanted to make sure he was good and dead so she pulled out a gun and fired 2 shots at Zeke and laughed hysterically.

Unfortunately for Sierra everyone heard the gunshots and came running magically in a giant group to see what the hell was going on. Sierra slipped into the group quietly so nobody would know she killed Zeke again.

"Shit!" Chris looked at Zeke's body "Someone killed him again? I should start doing a weapon check before people come on this island….."

"I can't believe someone killed him again" Bridgette sighed "Poor dude!"

"I can't believe everyone ran to the woods in a group" Noah added in

"I can't believe nobody is doing anything to prevent this!" Trentsey added in "Think of the children!"

Yep, Trent was standing in the same giant group as Lindsay and even added in a statement and nobody questioned why there were two Lindsay's.

"Whore!" Heather yelled at Trentsey

Suddenly it started to rain really hard

"Due to the weather and the fact one of you is a killer" Chris told them "I decided you are all going back to your rooms until I say you can come back outside"

"Why would you lock us all in with a killer?" Courtney asked

"Well the last one of us alive is obviously the killer" Chris rolled his eyes "Duh!"

"Brilliant Plan…." Gwen rolled her eyes

"I know" Chris winked "Now get to your damn rooms! I'm going to put a tarp over Zeke's body!"

The group all trailed off to their rooms muttering curses at each other and at each other and shit like that. They all walked into the building and in the elevator and to their designated floors and would you believe that caused even more Drama?

"See you guys later" Trentsey told the group "I'm going to go like apply some make-up"

Trent then quickly stormed off to his room hoping that nobody would follow him to his room, He was sadly mistaken.

"Hey Linds!" Tyler ran up to Trent "Mind if I stay with you? I figured we could talk about us!"

"Uh…I don't think that's a good idea…." Trentsey asked "What if you're the killer?"

"Don't worry, babe" Tyler kissed him "I promise I'm not"

"_Great….He's going to know I'm not Lindsay" Trent thought "Hopefully he's as stupid as the rest of them!" _

Tyler and Trentsey walked into the room and Tyler shut the door behind them.

* * *

><p>"NO WAY!" Heather yelled "I don't want you to stay with me! I'm sick of your fake Spanish!"<p>

"Please senorita?" Alejandro asked "I shall protect you from the El Killo taco mi amour!"

"No…." Heather told him "I would rather be killed then have you stay with me"

"I'm flattered" Alejandro took her hand "I'll accept your offer because I know you want me to stay with you!"

Alejandro carried Heather bridal style into her room regardless of how many times she cursed at him.

* * *

><p>By now most of the cast settled into their rooms, Duncan had no clue what to do, If he went with Courtney then Gwen would be pissed and if he went with Gwen then Courtney would kill him, either way he may become a dead man! Duncan knew exactly how to trick the two stupid girls though…<p>

Duncan grabbed Gwen's arm and led her to his room which Courtney was already walking to Duncan's room.

"Why is she coming?" Gwen whispered to Duncan

"She's afraid to be alone" Duncan whispered to Gwen "I can't just leave her, I'm a nice guy"

Gwen being stupid believed every piece of bullshit Duncan was feeding her, When they arrived at the door Courtney noticed Gwen was there and that's when Duncan pulled her aside

"I'm just being nice" Duncan whispered "Besides, the killer is less likely to get us if we have 3 people"

That seemed logical to Courtney and she agreed and now all Duncan had to do was make sure his plan actually would work.

* * *

><p>That left Cody, Noah and Sierra.<p>

"I hope the killer doesn't strike again!" Cody complained "I'd feel better staying with someone"

"I thought you would never ask" Noah winked "I won't let the killer get you!"

"You sure about that Noah?" Sierra glared at him.

"Positive" Noah told her and smiled at Cody "You can stay in my room! You'll be safe there!"

"Who do you think the killer is?" Cody asked

"I'd guess Duncan….." Noah rolled his eyes "Yeah, I'd guess the guy with the juvie record….."

"You want me to stay with you too?" Sierra asked "Don't you Cody?"

"Yeah, sure that woul-" Cody was about to say when Noah cut him off.

"Sorry, my bed only fits two people" Noah laughed and unlocked his door and pushed Cody in "Better luck next time, Sierra!"

Noah then slammed the door in Sierra's face. Sierra wasn't worried that Noah would harm Cody she was more worried about what other things Noah might offer Cody! She wasn't going to kill Noah but she was certainly going to get back at him for taking away some precious Cody time!


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I own nothing! **

A/N: I got bored and I felt like writing stuff! What a wonderful announcement!

Sierra was walking around the hallway cursing about Noah stealing Cody away that she wasn't look where she was going at all when she walked into someone!

"Sorry Harold..." Sierra got up "Wait...You aren't Harold..."

"No, I'm Sam" He held out his hand to Sierra "I'm from season 4!"

"Why are you here?" Sierra asked him

"I'm here with the season 4 cast!" Sam explained "We are here to replace you and possibly steal your looks!"

"Oh...That's interesting..." Sierra giggled "Stay away from Cody!"

Sierra stormed off.

* * *

><p>Trentsey just had sex with Tyler who apparently didn't notice he was not Lindsay he didn't even question why Trentsey had man parts so this wall all working out well. Trentsey felt like a dirty whore now and went to go back to his room.<p>

"Why hello there" Brick walked up to Trentsey "Did anyone ever tell you that you're pretty?"

"Everyone tells me that!" Trentsey told him "If you'll excuse me now I'm going back to my room, Who are you anyway?"

"I'm brick and I'm from season 4!" Brick introduced him "Lindsay right?"

"Yeah" Trentsey lied

"Maybe we can go hang out at the pool?" Brick suggested

"We can't with the killer on the loose!" Trentsey told him "It's like totally one of us!"

"WHAT KINDA ATTITUDE IS THAT?" Brick went all military on Trentsey's ass "WE CAN FILL UP A BATH TUB WITH COLD WATER AND SWIM! DO YOU READ ME?"

"Sir yes sir!" Trentsey yelled

"GOOD!" Brick yelled "LET'S MOVE OUT!"

* * *

><p>Duncan and Gwen along with Courtney were all hanging out in Duncan's room sitting on his bed like they were giggling girls at a sleep over! Duncan was laughing away and Gwen and Courtney were rolling their eyes pretending that they actually cared what the idiot had to say. Aside from his looks, Duncan had nothing going on for him and he was a horrible story teller.<p>

"So then I was like, Dude! That's my jar of peanut butter!" Duncan laughed at his own story "You can't just go and put it on that mountain!"

"Haha..." Courtney let out a fake laugh and rolled her eyes

_"I hope whoever that killer is kills him soon" Courtney thought to herself _

"That was an interesting story" Gwen lied being the supportive girlfriend that she was even though she had no clue he was obviously cheating on her with Courtney.

"Yeah I know!" Duncan laughed "Who wants to hear about the time I went to the hat store?"

"Why don't you save that story for later?" Gwen suggested rolling her eyes

"Yeah!" Courtney agreed "I'm sure it would be a better story for later!"

"Fine" Duncan sighed "I gotta piss, I'll be right back"

Duncan got up and went to the bathroom. As soon as he did this Courtney looked at Gwen and smiled as they put a chair in front of the door to prevent him from leaving. The two girls then look at each other and took off all their clothes and made out as they ran down the hall, They did this to please the male fans who seem to really enjoy this!

* * *

><p>Lightning was standing out in the hallway talking to Dawn when all of a sudden the two naked girls ran past him laughing like drunken idiots because they could for the following reasons.<p>

**1.) Chris hardly supervises them. **

**2.) They very well could have been drunk because of reason 1. **

**3.) They really hate wearing clothes. **

**4.) They want more screen time and figured this is the best way to get it. **

Odds are in favor it was mostly for reason 4.

"Are they shalamamamamamama naked?" Lightning asked Dawn

"I believe you are correct" Dawn confirmed.

"Wait for Lightning!" Lightning chased after the two girls.

"This always happens to me" Dawn sighed and went to mediate on the roof just like Raven from the Teen Titans that I also don't own and just felt like mentioning out of nowhere in this fic! Dawn just wished she wasn't a freak because everyone always makes her a freak and that made her sad because people judged her.

* * *

><p>Who haven't we talked to yet in this story? Ahhh Yes, Mike and Zoey!<p>

Mike and Zoey were in the hallway with the rest of the cast who decided to mingle outside with an exception of a few groups. They all thought this was something called Total Drama High School or Boarding school or something...

"I'm so happy!" Mike happily said "I got rid of my multiple personalities which makes me a really boring person now!"

"I'm dating Mike!" Zoey giggled "I was a loser who wanted friends and now I have some! We have no problems in our life!"

They were the predictably happy couple that everyone was really jealous of.

"You have Happiness?" Harold asked them

"Yep" Mike told him

"No Drama?" Harold asked "Nothing wrong with your life?"

"No, This show really helped us!" Zoey happily said.

"How is that possible?" Harold asked "You have nothing to be miserable about?"

"Nope" Both said happily

"GET THEM!" Harold yelled and grabbed a random item he found nearby. Harold stated an angry mob around Mike and Zoey for having happiness and the happy couple now had Drama in their lives.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I own nothing! **

When we last left off I gave Mike and Zoey some Drama because without it they are just boring characters that the fan base seems to like even though they lack originality! So with all that being said we turn back to the "Brilliant" Duncan who managed to escape Juvie at least 4 times yet couldn't escape a bathroom.

The Delinquent was only good for one thing and that was insults and hurting people and telling really bad stories with pointless plots that nobody cared about anyway. He never learned how to escape a bathroom! So what do you do when you don't know what else to do? You call your best friend on a cell phone that you had in your pocket the whole time.

"Geoff?" Duncan yelled into his cell phone bad ass like "I'm stuck in a bathroom and both my girlfriends left me, what do I do now?"

"Dude, just use a towel as toilet paper" Geoff told him "I'm kinda busy here chasing these newbies!"

"Dude, No!" Duncan yelled badassy "I didn't run out of toilet paper! I'm stuck in the bathroom! I need help to get out! Why are you chasing people?"

"They don't have drama in their lives" Geoff told him "So Harold decided we should start an angry mob!"

"An angry mob?" Duncan happily and badassily asked "Why didn't anyone invite me, Dude?"

"Because you were in the bathroom, Bro!" Geoff panted as he was running while on his phone

Duncan decided that this was pointless and hung up on Geoff because that's what happens when you're best friend is the local party boy who overuses the word dude.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile we go to Brick's room where he has his bath tub filled with cold water and a very confused Trentsey.<p>

"C'mon now!" Brick tossed her in the water "Swim! Swim Swim! Let's move!"

"I don't think that's a great idea" Trentsey lied "I'm pregnant"

"Do you have a boyfriend?" Brick asked him/her

Trent has had enough of this! He ran out of Brick's room as fast as he could. He ran into Izzy's room and slammed the door shut.

"You gotta help me!" Trent complained "Everyone wants me so badly!"

"That's what you get for trying to be Lindsay" Izzy laughed

"Can you help me get this dumb wig off?" Trent asked glaring at her

"Yeah, I guess I could" Izzy laughed "But It's gonna cost ya..."

"That's what I'm afraid of..." Trent sighed knowing that of course with Izzy nothing was ever simple.

* * *

><p>Heather and Alejandro decided they were too badass to stay inside when a killer was on the loose so they took it upon themselves to go outside and walk. Unfortunately the two of them were both assholes and couldn't be in the same place with each other for even a minute.<p>

"Why wouldn't you agree to marry me?" Alejandro sighed as they stepped over Zeke's dead body "You know I love you! You are my Uno El galio!"

"I told you a million times!" Heather glared "The Spanish act is getting super annoying!"

"It's not an act chica!" Alejandro told her "I want to be with you!...and every other girl I come in contact with...But mostly you..."

"That sentence alone tells me that you don't want to be with me" Heather rolled her eyes "I knew I should have said yes when Blainley asked me out"

"Blainley's gay?" Alejandro asked

"Yes!" Heather cried "Now she's dead..."

Heather then dramatically stormed off leaving Alejandro alone with Zeke's dead body. Alejandro sighed and played with the ring in his hand that he wanted to give to Heather.

"What should I do?" Alejandro asked the sky looking up at it

"You could always try to get stuck with her in the elevator!" Zeke sat up from the dead and walked towards Alejandro "I hear checks really dig it when they get stuck in the elevator! What happened? The last thing I remember was getting killed by-"

"Ahhh!" Alejandro screamed and beat Zeke with the nearest object he could find which was a large log "Dead body!"

Zeke looked worse than he did before and appeared to be dead again. Alejandro was happy because dead people really freaked him out. He pretended that this moment never happened and went to go be near other people who didn't freak him out. He also saw an angry mob running past him so he figured they must have found the killer.

* * *

><p>Back in the hallway Chris was standing there and called all the contestants out of their rooms.<p>

"Okay, Everyone is going to slowly die!" Chris announced "So, I need you guys to do something really important!"

"This better be really important" Courtney told him "I have so much to do before I die!"

"Hello world tour pun" Noah rolled his eyes keeping Cody really close. Sierra was also standing close to Cody.

"I feel uncomfortable..." Cody whined

"Shhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Chris handed them all a sheet of paper "I need you to all do this!"

"What kind of prom dress will your character where?" Courtney glared at Chris.

"Is you're character gay or straight?" Jo read "If yes then what would they like in a partner?"

"Describe your character?" Gwen asked him "What is this?"

"I need to start casting for a new season! Since you're all going to die anyway please make an original character and have it sent to me by the end of the day!" Chris informed them all

"Original Character?" Heather looked at him "You want us to create characters?"

"Yes!" Chris informed her "I need 20 new contestants! So you'll create them and I'll hire some actors to be them!"

While Chris was telling them this Chef was passing out pens so they could fill this all out before they most likely get killed. After Chris told them this he and Chef promptly left.


End file.
